10 Things You Really Shouldn't Say To Moms With Multiple Children
Before you pelt an insensitive comment at a mom with
several children, consider if you'd like to be on the receiving end.
"Boy, you sure have your hands full!"
No kidding. Our ears, car, house and heart are also full. In the
midst of a stressful shopping trip with multiple (or any) children, the last
thing we need is someone to state the obvious.
"I don't know how you do it."
Well, the truth is, some days we simply "don't do it."
Some people must think that moms with several children are "super
moms" and can do everything. Though there are a few moms that probably can
and do, the majority of us slack off frequently. We get tired. We let the
dishes pile up.
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"You know how that happens, right?"
People seem to be joking when they say this, but if we didn't
know about the "birds and the bees" prior to our first child, we
certainly figured out by the second, if not the third.
"Looks like Dad needs to get a fishing pole."
Someone literally said this to me one summer while I was
shopping with my six young children. I didn't know how to take it and just
replied, "Or Mom needs a spa day!" Did he mean that Dad needs a break
from all the kids? Or that he needs to take all of his kids fishing? Or was he
intruding on our sex-life by saying Dad needs a hobby away from the bedroom? It
seems that nothing is taboo in public conversations with strangers.
"These all from the same lot?"
That phrase was thrown at me while shopping with my first three
kids who all happened to have different colored hair. I'm thinking I need a
shirt that says, "I only have one baby-daddy," or something.
"Lots of helpers!"
I'm hoping people are sarcastic when they say this. Since when
has a store trip (or anything, for that matter) been made any easier by the
"help" of young children? I'm thinking that these well-meaning souls
either one, never had kids; two, it's been a long time since they've had kids;
or (most likely) three, have permanent brain damage inflicted by having children.
"Are you done?" or "Are you having any
more?"
This doesn't really need further explanation. But, whether you
want to know if we're crazy enough to have more kids or if we are finally done
reproducing, it's for us to know and you not to worry about.
"Enjoy these days. They grow up so fast."
Eventually, busy moms may miss the days of having young
children, but while in the thick of chaos, stress and exhaustion, it adds to
the stress to focus on whether we are "enjoying" this insane time in
our life. We do our best trying to soak up every minute of motherhood, but
mostly, we are just trying to survive.
"The silent stare"
Granted, this one isn't verbal, but is equally tactless. Staring
down a mom with a bunch of kids for any reason is not a great idea.
We're probably doing the best we know how to
keep them all under control while still getting our errands done. If you must
say something, make sure it's polite, non-intrusive and helpful. Try:
"What beautiful
children!"
"Great job,
Mom!"
"What
well-behaved children you have."
Some thoughtless statements can hurt, like pouring salt in a
wound. If you must say something, keep it positive, uplifting or some way
helpful to these moms that are doing the best they can. Remember the popularrule, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
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