What to do When Your Child Misbehaves in Public
We all know that dealing with our children’s misbehavior at
home is difficult, but most of us would agree that dealing with our children’s
misbehavior in public is the worst.
When our children misbehave in public we feel the combined
effects of frustration and damaged pride. We have to stop what we’re
doing to deal with the behavior while we and our children
are left open to judgment by on-lookers
Parents Feel Pressured to Win the Battle in Public
I remember my oldest son’s first tantrum in public. He
was about 16 months old and hadn’t had too many tantrums at that point.
In other words, I was a newbie when it came to dealing with tantrums.
The tantrum was over a bag of bread that was at the top of
the loaded grocery cart and within his reach from where he sat. He
reached it and immediately began to squish it.
Now at this point I had three choices.
I could be permissive and let him squish the bread.
I could take the bread from him.
I could distract him with something else and swiftly remove the bread.
I could be permissive and let him squish the bread.
I could take the bread from him.
I could distract him with something else and swiftly remove the bread.
Well, unfortunately, I panicked because the bread was
being squished. I told him “No-no!” and I took the bread from him.
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I parked the cart and waited. And he tilted his head
back and screamed. A few air-raid-sirens screams later, he won and I
lost. I pushed the cart quickly to the next aisle with my head down,
avoiding the stares of strangers.
What must these people think of me? I let him
win. To have other parents witness my lack of control over my child was
mortifying. I was angry with myself and angry with my child. And truth is that if I had simply
distracted him in the first place we would have gone peacefully on our way.
Tips for Dealing with Misbehavior in Public
Those people staring at you
are just glad it’s not them. Remember you
are not being judged as much as you think you are.
Never sacrifice your
relationship with your child by using some “discipline” tactic such as
spanking, yelling or threatening just because others are watching. Remember don’t
be too harsh or too permissive for the sake of others.
Be proactive. The best way to
avoid a tantrum is to avoid tantrum triggers. Is your child hungry? If
you’re going grocery shopping, bring a snack.
Set the rules before you enter
the place you are going. If I tell my children “no candy or toys” before
we walk into the toy-and-candy-on-every-aisle-store, then they already know not
to ask or that if they do my answer will be no.
Don’t be afraid to walk
away. Leave your cart and walk outside with your child until he or
she calms.
Are you sensing a theme
here? Relationship, relationship, relationship. You have no
responsibility to the on-lookers. You only have a responsibility to your
child to provide swift, consistent discipline that is firm, yet gentle and
loving, in whatever setting you may be.
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