10 Tips for Parenting in Public
Kids don't always behave as we'd like when we're out and
about. They get over-stimulated and stressed out. And when children are at
family gatherings, they're often off their schedules and especially excited, so
their behavior can be particularly challenging.
1. Tend to basic needs.
Be pre-emptive. Don't take a tired, hungry child
anywhere. Even if you're going to a meal, assume your child will be hungry
before the food is served and bring snacks. If you're in the grocery store,
head first to the foods you will let her eat, and choose something for her to
snack on while you shop.
2. Prepare your child.
Explain, even to a baby, what will be happening. Describe
what you will do, and any expectations you have for your child's behavior.
"At Grandma's we hold hands and say a blessing, like
this. During the blessing, only the person who is offering the blessing speaks.
The rest of us will be quiet."
3. Invite your child to contribute positively.
Describe the situation and explore with your child what
kinds of contributions would be helpful.
"At the restaurant, the waiters are rushing around
balancing food. How can we help them do a good job and not spill things?"
4. Stay present to your child.
Often when children "act out" in public or when
they're visiting relatives, it's because they feel our attention is elsewhere.
That makes them a bit insecure, so they act out to get the reassurance that
we're still attending to them.
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5. Find a way to involve your child.
It's simply not developmentally reasonable for a young
child to watch quietly while you're in the hardware store. His job description
is to learn about the world through hands-on exploration. So let him touch when
you can, and ask him questions:
"Look at all the different sizes of screws...This is
such a tiny screw....what could it be used for?"
6. When your child gets restless, don't ignore it.
Most of us get more anxious, and try to move faster. We
say "We're almost done shopping...be patient for a few more minutes."
But a young child simply can't do that. He needs your help to get back in
balance, so he doesn't fall apart. Start by slowing down and taking a deep
breath.
7. Find ways to honor or redirect your child's
impulses.
"You want to run! Let's go back outside the store
for a few minutes to run, since you've been sitting in the car. Then, when we
come back in the store, let's walk THIS way!"
8. Start with empathy and listen to your child before
you jump in to problem solve.
Once a child feels heard and understood, she's more
likely to be able to calm herself.
"You seem pretty mad...What's going on? So you're
upset because your cousin said. This is a tough problem.
9. When possible, set your usual limits even when your
child resists.
When your child wails "But I WANT the candy, I NEED
it!" of course you acknowledge how much she wants it. But that doesn't
mean you buy it, unless you want to buy it every time.
10. Move your child to a more private place.
If your child has a meltdown, it's impossible to attend
to him and also finish your shopping. Just scoop him up and remove him from the
situation
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